honolulu or bust

I have to hurry or this nasty computer in the net cafe is going to kick me off like it did last week and all my precious thoughts will be lost forever.
I can't believe that I am browsing the job sites again, after less than a month. If I don't get a decent job soon I am going to pack my bags, move to Hawaii and become a Hula dancer (perhaps I should learn how to spell it first!). Now there's a thought....
"As she gazed out of the doorway of her little grass hut, Roxy thought back to a time when the world was rushing about her at alarming speeds, affording her no chance to escape and find inner peace. Now all she had to worry about was making sure her hula skirt did not catch fire while she 'shimmied and shook' for the holiday makers who frequented the isolated resort on the small island. As the waves chrashed, she pondered how quickly life can change and how a bit of sunshine and sea could make everything seem okay....'
What am I doing here when I could be somewhere less nuts??!
Oh well, it's all about perspective and mine is evidently clouded. Perhaps a holiday will do.

time is in his hands

I hesitate to dwell on how quickly the weekend went by. People are so consumed by time and how it travels slowly when you are jaded and quickly when you are dreading that which is forthcoming. However, I have done a bit of reflection regarding time and have deduced that it is merely a concept that humanity has conceived to measure eternity.
We get so impatient when things don’t happen in the time-frame that we allow, but our day is not God’s day. Our minutes and hours are different to his.
He offered us eternity and placed it in our hearts; we limited ourselves by trying to structure it.
Nevertheless, if you are at all interested in what I did this weekend, please see 64 ‘work free’ hours.

64 'work free' hours

My weekend was spent ice-skating on Friday night (Why are my arms still sore today?! It’s not like I was cart-wheeling on the ice!), followed by a scrumptious peanut butter and banana milkshake at Ed’s dinner. This is a treat to which I can only subject myself once every few months as the stomach ache that results for days afterwards taints the whole experience somewhat.
Saturday, I browsed the shops on Carnaby and Oxford St’s and spent the evening catching up with Bronwyn over a good dose of sushi, laden with wasabi (yeesh!) and our ritual Starbucks (who have now introduced their winter menu which includes eggnog – how truly British!).
Sunday was spent ‘refueling’ at church among friends (and family!), many of whom I have come to cherish in the few months that I’ve been here in old London Town. I’ve never felt more supported than I do at this point in my life. This city can be a lonely rut if you don’t get connected, but I’m continually blessed by those I do life with.

It’s possible that this post bored you to near-tears and in reality it’s likely I lost your attention halfway through, but when I read back over my blog I’d like to see a few indications that I am capable of leading a ‘normal’, relatively uneventful life every now and again.

(Brackets) throughout this post were unintentional and hopefully succeeded in disguising my lack of decent sentence structure.

i'm sure i'll get over it soon

I have re-written this line about ten times. What I’m really trying to do is convey how excruciatingly bored I am, but it seems that the boredom has overtaken my brain and all creative juices have been sapped from my spirit.
After leaving my pleasant, comfortable job for a proposal of something more permanent and challenging I sit on the prospect of neither and find myself far from where I had envisioned for this point in my life.
From the outside, being dumped in the deep, sans training, and left to either sink or swim as I choose to deal, it may seem that ‘challenge’ is merely an understatement. In reality a challenge, in my perspective, is a positive and right now I am feeling quite contrary to all things good.
Melancholy has become my friend and it is all too true that ‘…bad company corrupts good nature’.

autumn days

As my hastened steps scattered autumn leaves through Wandsworth Park this morning I was struck by the realisation of how truly seasonal life is.
Too early for the mist to have lifted, its ghost-like effect prompted a beautiful scene of clouded browns and greens and the significance, when compared to the season in which I am in, was profound.
Neither here nor there, my autumn is a transitional phase where I am shedding what summer has caused to flourish and waiting to go into a time of contemplation and decision. Winter is not a time to hibernate, as much of the animal kingdom proposes, but to rise above the urge to lie dormant and become proactive in life.
Regardless of my African origins, my dominant Scottish roots ensure that winter is the season in which I thrive.
However, this year’s winter will go by relatively unappreciated as I look, unusually, towards summer. As I spend this time working my way to sunlight, I see the coming months, which now hold much promise of fulfilment.
Uncharacteristically, I stopped to take a picture. Such a moment needed to be captured in more than just my spirit.

putney bum

This week has been manic. I know I harp on about how life can just change in a matter of days but this week was one of those.
As of today I may very well become one of those typical Londoners who live and work in the same suburb and thereafter rarely leave familiar territory, as the thought of getting onto a tube unnecessarily is purely a nuisance. Think Hugh Grant in Notting Hill - did he ever go anywhere else??
I got a call on Monday afternoon from the firm that originally didn't hire me as they 'gave the job to an internal candidate'. The girl they hired instead had let them down so, as expected, they came back with their tail between their legs.
By this stage I had lost all enthusiasm for the new job, but a change is as good as a holiday and goodness knows I could do with one of those. My guilt resulting from giving a measly 2 days notice at my current place of employment didn't last long as I became overwhelmed by the stress of training someone, in 1 day, on what I had learned in 7 months.
So, yesterday I bid farewell to the IDEA (don't ask me what they do because I'm still not sure - and I don't think majority of the employees know either!), my dot-matrix rail ticket printer and an emotional boss who was distraught over the loss of his 'chief tea lady'.
I will admit that my character is somewhat spontaneous and I have resigned myself to the fact that decisions are not my forte. However, there seemed no harm in leaving my job and diving head first into a new one about which I knew very little. Clearly the small bit I knew was insufficient as now I border on not having a job within the next week and getting sacked because the girl from whom I am taking over refuses to train me. The original appeal of having a building in the middle of nowhere, which could greatly assist me in saving pennies, is now tainted by the fact that the canteen food is going to make me fat. I can't even buy a sandwich from Pret-a-Manger because I am likely to die of starvation before I reach the nearest store! Who cares if I can walk to work?? It's winter and my nose is likely to freeze off before I reach the office anyway!
Perhaps I'll put it down to a simple case of first day blues as opposed to blaming my impulsive nature for clouding my judgment.

winter is served

Following on from Briggs' train of thought on winter and the tendency to stay cooped indoors, I would like to add that, not only does your body want to go into hibernation, you also eat as if you are. It isn't nearly cold enough to be classed as winter and for the last week I have eaten enough to save a small country from malnutrition!
I could accept this, had my cravings been for healthy, nutritious, organic fruit and veg, but instead I have been shovelling in copious amounts of chocolate, biscuits and anything else that looks like it may contain, even mere, traces of sugar.
Gone are the days when my friends Ben & Jerry would satisfy my need to indulge - they have been replaced by Nestle, Mcvities and the Muffin Man and friends. Walking into Starbucks is becoming a true test of will power, as I find myself being taunted by the tasty treats calling out from inside the cool, glass case that houses all my favourite 'cakey' delights.
It is true what they say about natural body structure and how your weight will equalise and stay relatively balanced for most of your adult life. Last week I lost 3 kg's due to stress. This week.....perhaps I just wont look.

melancholy - the power of thought

After a few days of feeling pretty low, I find myself learning more about the choices we make regarding emotions. Not only is the mind incredibly powerful, but the contemplation of your heart is highly influencial in determining your outlook. I have managed to think myself 'down into the dumps' and I'm well aware that a mere decision not to feel that way would transform my attitude completely.
So right now I am going to shutdown my computer, put on my sneakers, leave the office and brave the cold while electing to feel good for the rest of the evening and into tomorrow. Even when people look at me strangely, I prefer smiling on the tube anyway rather than looking like I've just swallowed a lemon.
It's all about perspective. Oh, how I am learning...

'...take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.'

st theresa's prayer

I know this is from a cheesy forwarded email, but there is a calming reassurance if you really absorb what is said...

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of you.

Everyday I make sure that I find one thing to smile about. Today it was a lady riding her bicycle down a main st, no helmet, dressed in her work attire (high heels and all!), one hand on the handle bars and the other clutching her mobile to her ear - all this while avoiding big red London buses. Despite the fact that the cold was freezing my nose off of my face, something in that moment warmed my heart. This city isn't so bad, even when your heart is elsewhere most of the time.