over and out for 2006

I'm jetting off to South Africa today for the first time in 4 years. I'll probably be a bit quiet for the next couple of weeks due to my aversion towards dial-up internet connections (so last century!).
Have a fantastic Christmas everyone and I look forward to the New Year and all the stories still to come. Thanks for reading my ramblings.
Many blessings, Rox.

family feud fuelled by festivities

All too aware of my brother’s inability to be patient about anything, especially the opening of Christmas gifts, I was determined to sneak my presents past him, last night. Mom and I cunningly plotted to slip the gifts into her wardrobe, thus counteracting his devious attempts at present-peaking. Confident that I had calmly distracted Aaron enough not to rouse any suspicion on his part, we relaxed to enjoy a meal and enjoy some quality, family time.
Mid-way through the evening the aforementioned sibling began complaining about a sore on his arm and Mom, engrossed in her own gift wrapping, instructed him to fetch the medicine bag from her cupboard. A few seconds later, realisation dawned on her and a scene of chaos began to unfold. Mom jumped from her chair as if she had been electrocuted and started to chase after Aaron shouting all the way ‘No, no, wait, I’ll get it. I’LL GET IT!!!’
The panicked look on her face distracted me from my oblivion at the computer and I too began to run after Aaron in order to obstruct his path. Being both agile and competitive Aaron was now more determined than ever to be the first to retrieve the, what he thought to be, much valued medicine kit. Little did he know that we would use all our combined strength to stop him from opening that cupboard. All of us screaming at once, Aaron somehow managed to overpower both Mom and I and tear open the wardrobe door. There was a moments silence as we waited in anticipation of what was to ensue. But Aaron simply reached for the medicine bag, turned to give us a look of sheer bewilderment and stalked out of the room, leaving us to clutch our stomachs in convulsions of laughter at the fact that he hadn’t even registered the big reindeer bag overflowing with gifts. If there was ever any doubt in the poor kid’s mind, he is now surely convinced that his mother and sister are complete lunatics. All that fuss over a medicine bag. If only he knew.

finding warmth in the cold of christmas

It’s the time of year when I resist all urges to become intensely reflective…and fail miserably. I can’t help feeling sentimental, exaggerated only by gatherings such as carol services and Christmas parties. While most people appear to be completely oblivious as to why we are actually celebrating at all, I find myself appreciating the festivities as a time when I can show those around me how much they mean to me. I had to give up trying to find the perfect ‘nativity’ Christmas cards and settle for ones that merely shout the word ‘Christmas’, but I determined to make sure that the message inside conveyed appropriate blessings.
I haven’t felt such warmth as the feeling I experienced on Saturday while Ian sang it ‘to the Mountain’ and my brother’s falsetto resonated in my ear between him repetitively telling Mom to not sing so loudly. I sat in my church, happy to be surrounded by some of the people in the world who I cherish most dearly. On any given day I have family and friends spread over a number of continents but, for a few short hours, all of a sudden the world didn’t seem so big. I sat there thinking that therein lies the true meaning of this festive season.
I saw an old man walking around the grocery store last week and I wondered if he had anyone with whom to share the holidays and my heart lurched with a pang of compassion. Not just for him but for all the people who don’t have someone to be with this Christmas.
And as I type this I realise the error in my sentiments because the truth is that no-one will be alone this Christmas. If you are celebrating, you believe. And if you believe, you will realise that there is a God who loves you enough to send you his son and such a God would never abandon you. That’s love and that’s what this time of year is really about.

silent night

It's late - midnight to be more precise. I should be in bed trying to catch up on sleep that I lost out on last night. My eyes feel heavy and focussing on the screen is making them burn but I'm just trying to prolong what pleasure I find in the silence, when the rest of the world seems to be asleep, though I know this is never the case in London. I can actually hear the sound of my own breathing, the world around me is that quiet. I feel like I should be reflecting on something but I fear I may never sleep if I let my mind digress. So I simply sit here and enjoy the comfort of my couch, in my flat which I love and gaze out the big bay windows into the apartments across the drive where I'm not surprised to witness little of anything. The most I allow my mind to ponder is thoughts of the people I love and where they are and if they too are happy. I pray that they are.
Sometimes the world just seems so right. Tonight, even if only for these brief moments, it is.

when the sun shines out your bum

It’s a beautiful day here today. The crispness of winter has taken over the Thames and the bare trees depict a scene of tranquility rather than the usual gloom of a long, cold season.
This weekend was good. I’m sitting at my desk feeling refreshed and not thanks to ample sleep – quite the contrary, in fact. Amongst the buzz of activity, in the lead-up to Christmas, I find myself feeling open to the prospects of a New Year.
There is so much hope in a sunny day. Something about the sunshine makes it much harder to be down. You really come to appreciate those days here.
I’m reminded of a greeting card I once gave/received (I forget now!) that had a little glow-worm on the front and said:
‘I wish I was a glow-worm,
Glow-worms are never glum.
How can you be sad,
When the sun shines out your bum?’
I leave you with that light-hearted thought to ponder as I sit here and resist the urge, once again, to stress about Christmas presents. The year goes so quickly that this anxiety feels all too familiar; it wasn’t so long ago that I was writing about this same present dilemma. I keep telling myself that it’s not about the gifts but I can’t help but get sucked in by the pressures of the season surrounding me. This would never happen to a glow-worm.

fusion of feelings

Warning: this post is of a slightly irrational, girl-like nature and if you are looking for some-light hearted, Friday entertainment, come back next week.

It’s a miserable day here in London and today it doesn’t help when I feel such a mixture of things.
There is this constant battle that goes on inside of me, whereby the person that I am and the person that I want to be are constantly at war. I know it’s idealistic and quite humanly impossible but, sometimes, I just wish that I could be the perfect person; that I could be everything to everyone and still true to myself, never tiring of doing good and still achieving everything that I have planned.
But the truth is much simpler than that: I’m not. I’m not perfect and I never get there no matter how hard I try because my human nature gets in the way at the most inopportune times. There are times when I feel to shout out loud about how hard-done-by I feel and then a louder voice tells me to put my selfish pride aside and accept that no one can make me feel that way but myself.
And this is why I write. Writing has this comforting way of putting my life into perspective like nothing else can. What goes on in my head is largely chaotic but when I see those same thoughts in some semblance of order, I feel, to some extent, more balanced. Even okay. But today it just doesn’t feel like enough. Today, I’m just not sure at all.