neither here nor there

Now that’s out of my system I guess I should try to lift the tone. So, what’s been happening over the last 3 weeks? I’ve been to Hamburg, Bath, Reading and Edinburgh. Yes, those are a lot of different place in one month. Some may say too many; I’m inclined to agree as my body and mind start to revolt against me in an attempt to tie me to London for just one weekend. I’m off to Malshanger for a pastorate retreat this weekend but then I’m restricting my diary and refusing any entries that require travel to a destination further than Zone 2 (or 3 at a push) for at least a month.
I feel I’m settling into my new job well and am so much happier when I wake up in the morning. None of that, “please let me get sick so that I don’t have to go into work” nonsense. I have moments when I’m sitting at my desk and I get this little bubbly feeling because I really love my job.
We watched some pretty lousy shows at the Edinburgh Fringe festival while there to watch the South Africa VS Scotland rugby (Bokke!). If it wasn’t over-acting or out-of-tune singing it was just pure vulgarity (however humorous). I feel the need to book a show on the West End just to restore my faith in the Arts.
We watched a great South African band last night, Rory Eliot and the Reason. The band was known as Plush until one of the core band members was killed, while trying to cross the road after a gig, by a drunken driver. At an unexplored venue in Putney (how can that be? I thought I’d covered every pub/restaurant in the area!), the Half Moon is intimate and had it not been for the bulky guy beside me grinding offensively through the entire gig, I might have appreciated the cosiness of it all.
I’d say "that’s a wrap" but it probably isn’t, however, it is all I can make of the blur since I last blogged. Thanks to my bloggees who have written to enquire about roxblurb updates. It’s nice to be missed. I’m going to be more efficient (and if I’m not, I’ll just come and delete this line).

enough

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written. To be honest it has less to do with time than it does with lack of enthusiasm. With too much going on I’ve realised that scattered focus is futile. Too many pies, not enough fingers and you’re left with a lot of waste. But today I was stirred by an excerpt from a book that I read called “Red Letters” by Tom Davis. It starts with an apology by the author, on behalf of the church, for turning a blind eye to the poor and needy. And I got so worked up that I had to vent it.
If I’m completely honest, I’m feeling rather fed up with this world, full of people so concerned by trivial, self-centred issues that real need goes unnoticed. I’m just as much to blame. But I’m tired of it. Times like this leave me feeling so disappointed in humanity. I can only try to imagine how God must feel when he is the one who sees the big picture. If only we took the time to set our eyes on the things that actually meant something. What I do with this minute, of this hour determines how I will spend eternity. Eternity - a concept so vast that my human mind can not begin to comprehend it. But it’s real. And one day I will come face-to-face with this unfathomable concept and what then? What will be stored as treasure and what are the things that I will have to answer for?
I’m usually hesitant to blog anything super-spiritual or “in your face” but today, this is who I am. I’m no longer making excuses for who I have chosen to be and how I have chosen to live my life. This is me. Take it or leave it. Enough is enough.

strength

All I have is the strength for today. And sometimes not even that.
The last few days I have been questioning God as to why, in certain areas, his plan for me is so different to what I had envisioned - why my yesterdays were less than perfect when I have always committed my way to him; why things probably wont go exactly my way tomorrow. When I'm only equipped to get through today, such questions are draining for my spirit. I wonder what I can change about myself or what I need to learn before he will grant all my desires when really HIS desire is that I just get through today the best I can. The further ahead I look, the more overwhelemed I become. You see, life is too much for me to handle on my own. My wisdom only extends to my experience so far and unless I'm willing to surrender my all I will never overcome my irrational fears of the future.
He's got the whole world in His hands. And what a heavy world it is.

roxblurb lives

It's just been crazy lately. The days and weeks seem to have simply vanished and I find myself in my second week of a new job unable to believe that I'm free from the confines of O&L and actually wanting to get out of bed in the mornings.
I've spent the last two weekends outside of London town: one in Hamburg and this last one in Kent. The sun shone the whole weekend which meant that camping was a delight and I acquired a tan. I have newly restored faith in English weather (summer might just arrive after all!).
Despite all of this good I felt a little down today. Nothing major, just being a girl I guess. To cheer myself up I've painted my nails a shocking shade of pink. The logic behind this is yet to come to me but I think it has something to do with luminosity of my nails brightening my day.
I know I've been a shocking blogger of late and chances are that no one will read this as I've lost all my devoted blogees to my lack of posting. Rest assured, Roxblurb will recommence regular updates when Rox herself is feeling a little less disheveled from chasing her tail.