who would have thought?

After too many months of pessimistic contemplation, I’m posting an entry that portrays my present enthusiasm for life, appropriately.
I woke up this morning with a very strange feeling. Not only was I blissfully happy, but I had this comforting sense of knowing that life is just right for now. I didn’t panic when realisation hit that I had pushed snooze one too many times; instead of pulling faces at myself in the mirror, I tied my hair back and pretended that I didn’t look like Medusa on a bad hair day; I giggled along with the man at the bus stop who couldn’t get past me as we unsuccessfully attempted to get out of each others way; when my colleagues asked me how my weekend was I told them it was great…and I meant it.
When God blesses you, he does it properly. It’s taken me so long to write about this, not only due to the sensitive nature of circumstances, but also because it’s difficult to make sense of your thoughts when they are being flung around inside a whirlwind. For someone who was a contented singleton, the last few months have brought more tests in affairs of the heart than I ever envisioned. Sometimes things are too valuable to share openly, but in a nutshell, when you are unable to avoid someone in a city of 7,421,209 people, you have to ask yourself what God is trying to tell you.
Okay, enough beating around the bush! There is a wonderful man who came into my life and took me by surprise, displaced many notions of naivety and who has challenged me to accept that sometimes the most obvious thing is right. And this time it so is.
And I’ve learned that perhaps I can be appropriately elusive at times too. Who would have thought?

how my time is best employed

The last hour on a Friday is always unnecessarily painful and rather than put myself through any more torment this week, I’m choosing to just chill and fill up a bit of blog space. It’s already dark outside and what I can see of the pretentious fairy-lights adorning the trees along the pavement is revealing shimmery glimpses of the Thames.
I think I have a mild case of ‘writers block’ or perhaps there just isn’t enough room in my head for all the thoughts currently occupying it. I can’t even think of anything boring to make sound exciting! Am I at a loss for words or has a loss of control caused me to hold back? I fear it is the latter, in which case, a weekend of reflection may very well be the cure.
Now that I have lost you all in the depths of my ramblings, maybe I’ll leave it at that.

One more thing…why do you only ever think of the relevant responses after a discussion has long ended? There’s always more to say…

arithmetic - brooke fraser

I've been staring at the sky tonight
Marveling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I've been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star
See I'd apologise my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I won't find what I am looking for
If I only "see" by keeping score
'Cos I know now you are so much more than arithmetic
'Cos if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the oneI want

When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You'll still be the one I want

So I wait and hope that you see what I do…

i feel old

At the start of his year, I determined to start acting my 22 years and feel young and spontaneous, as one should at this stage of their life. Now, nearing my 23rd birthday, after almost 11 months of youthful successes and mistakes alike, I receive an email titled, 'You know you're from the 80's if ...'

You watched the Pound Puppies.
You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair".
You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
You thought Sheera and He-Man should hook up.
You ever owned a pair of jelly shoes.
You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
"Don't worry, be happy"
You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
You remember watching Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony.
The only rapper you knew of was Vanilla Ice.
(selected excerpts of personal relevance)

It's not the first time I've received this (my opinion on repetitive fwd mails was established in early blog days) however I enjoy a bit of reminiscing every so often. But when you've lived long enough to see trends re-emerging, you recognise that it's time to take responsibility and inform the approaching generation that side ponies just aren't cool!

chocoholic nightmare

Blasted vending machine! Afternoon cravings are difficult enough to fight without the temptation of having a fully-stocked chocolate vender to entice you every time you walk into the canteen (to get a cup of tea!). The moment I walk in all I hear is its soft drone and as much as I try to stay focused in the other direction, a subtle twist of my head is all that is needed to catch a glimpse of the heavenly light that surrounds the ‘box of delights’. It’s as if it is softly whispering, ‘A chocolate will make the day go so much faster…’
It’s winter which makes the thought of an afternoon pick-me-up even more appealing. Maybe I’ll just opt to walk the long way to and from work everyday, stop resisting and just let the novelty wear off in its own time.

turn the page

I’m astounded by how quickly life can turn. A significant attitude change and choosing to accept that life may deal a decent hand for once and I find myself to be appropriately cheerful. As a realist, I’ve always accepted that existence is trying and subsequently have developed a mentality that doesn’t allow me to give up, even in the face of supreme adversity. I understand now that something can be staring you in the face and instead of accepting it, you are held back by your convictions, however distorted they may be. As you age, you realize that your belief systems are not necessarily ultimate truth and life experience and new-found wisdom tends to override what you may once have believed.
Once again, I’m ready to turn the page. My story is so erratic, a twist to every chapter – some drawn out and others that come to an abrupt end, dictating undeniable finality.

luminous purchase not so bright

I think I’ve successfully managed to prevent myself from ever being asked to buy something for our happy home again. I was summoned by the ‘flatties’ to purchase a new phone for the household because our current one is so old that the battery keeps dying mid-conversation (most frustrating!).
Upon investigating, I found a charming pink telephone in the Argos catalogue that I deemed quite appropriate for a ‘girlie’ flat like ours. The nature of shopping at Argos is such that, once you have chosen your goods in the catalogue, you pay for them and collect them, in the box, straight from their ‘warehouse’. I must commend them on their lifelike pictures, as I have, previously, never been misled.
Proudly returning to the office with my new phone a colleague asked if he could see my purchase. Bearing in mind that I have no need to distrust the reliable people at Argos, I did not look inside my box. Thus, I was a bit surprised when Olivier began laughing hysterically. ‘It’s pink!!!’ he chuckled.
‘Yes, I know’, came my casual reply.
‘NO, it’s REALLY pink!’ he exclaimed through gasps.
On inspection, the horror must have been written all over my face as Olivier only laughed harder. Why now? Why did the catalogue deceive me when it was vital that I prove myself as a responsible flat-mate, capable of taking on a simple domestic purchase?!? It was as if someone had coloured the handset in with a pink highlighter. To say it was ghastly would be giving too much credit.
So now I have to take this garish, plastic object back home and present it to the expectant flat-mates. It could work…if we all wear sunglasses when we want to call someone.

only momentary

I saw a girl I recognised on the train platform a couple of weeks back. I worked with her at BBC about 4 years ago and I knew there was no way she would remember me so I chose to keep reading my book. This morning on my way to work that same girl's face randomly showed up in my thoughts.
This made me dwell on individual influence and how we can let a chance meeting pass us by or we can take advantage of each opportunity, even if it begs a bit of risk on our part. All great achievements involved a 'gamble' somewhere along the way.
A fleeting, oportune moment may be all you are offered to change someones world. Even if it's just to elicit a smile, it may be all they need to face another day.