letter to sweety pie darling

In response to my post on 'becoming domestic' I receive this horrified response from my mother - bless her...

Well done, Sweetie Pie Darling!! (big exclamation!!!) You baked some banana-muffiny-thingie-wingies!! It's great and wonderful and all that but don't advertise it or people will conjure up this image of you barefoot, pregnant wearing a scary, brightly coloured floral apron (Oh! the saints preserve us!!) in the kitchen with hordes of sniffley-nosed-pooey-poo-poo-nappy children around you (Oh! horrors of horrors!!). What is to follow on from this... planting vegetables (pronounced Vegeetaabbllees!) in the back garden and getting (filthy, dirty, phoofey distgusting) earth under your beautiful manicured nails....eeeekkk? This must stop immediately, Sweetie Pie Darling. You have obviously become influenced by some evil, anti-feminist cult!!! Don't worry Sweetie Pie Darling....love you angel child.....Mummsy will organise the best therapist money can buy who will exorcize the "domestic demon" that has infiltrated your normal shop-at-M & S-for-cakes, pudding brain and you shall return to your normal, shop-shop-and-more-shop brain very soon. Throw the apron and the oven gloves away immediately! Mummsy is now most perturbed about the state of Sweetie Pie Darling' s mental health!!!
PS. Could you send Mummsy one of those banana-muffiny-thingy-wingies? It's been so long since I've got my teeth into any home baked goodies!
xxxx

Sorry Mom, they were so delicious they were eaten up in a couple of days. But if you will allow me to retrieve my apron, I will happily bake another batch. I know it's hard to chew but someone had to be the domestic pioneer. Love you, Mummsy. x